Okay people, like i said before in the title, this one's gonna have spoiler's..and lot's of them too. there's also going to be a grandiose amount of swearing, cause i read this book and was like "holy #($@" every few pages. So now that we have that out of the way, let's continue...by the way, all this is in book one, I'll post one for book two when I finish reading it.

I got the book, Breaking Dawn, by Stephanie Meyer, and in an hour and a half, read through the first book, ( part one). Which is basically a narrative of the events and thoughts of Bella Swan leading up to her marriage, and the honey moon that follows (awesome vampire pedophilia) with Edward Sex Cullen... LOL. But seriously...the whole, Rosalie helping Bella with her hair, what was that?

I wanted to say it was foreshadowing for some bigger relationship between the two, and now that I'm finished with book one, I'm like..oh, fuck-berries! But, we'll come back to that later.

In other news, Jacob ran away, and pretty much no one is making any effort to find him..oh well. I never really liked Jacob anyway. But enough about that. So Jacob ran away, Bella calls Seth Clearwater from her new sexy-mobile, the "before" car, and is like "Seth, you heard from Jacob?" well of course he's heard from Jacob, you dumb bitch! They're werewolves!! They can read each other's thoughts!! DUH! So know she learns that jake (his name doesn't even deserve a capital, that's how much i hate him for this next little stunt he pulled) is somewhere in Canada.

So now it's time for the wedding, Dum Dah Da Dum..that was the wedding march. But anyway, it's time for Bella to get married..to Edward super sexy Cullen. And at the Reception, Edward takes Bella into the woods for a "surprise wedding present" and no, it's not super awesome vampire pedophilia, that comes later. Actually it's, guess who? Yep, Jacob butt munch Black. So now he's back, and like, "hey Bella, i made it to your wedding" and I'm thinking, "uh yeah, LATE!!" so, Bella tells him about her plan to be changed into a vampire..by Edward sexier than you Cullen, after the honeymoon, because she doesn't want to spend it writhing in pain. Because she wants to have a Real honey moon, and yes, that's where the hot vampire pedophilia comes into play, and he starts freaking out, like literally. He's like, "Bella are you nuts?" but we all know he's really asking "Bella?! why are you having hot vampire pedophilia with him?! Why not me?! I love you Bella Swan!" If I were Bella, and he said that, I'd be like.."ew". Moving on now, to the honey moon..(yay!!!)

So now we're on the private island Edward decided to take Bella for the honey moon, and they end up having hot steamy vampire pedophilia, nothing described to you though...
But Bella wakes up, after a night of super hot not described in the book pedophilia, and Edwards like "I'm a monster" because she got bruised up a bit during the night. And she's like, "no your not Edward, don't ever say that!" so he's like "I'm never going to have hot vampire pedophilia with you again until you're a hot vampire too." But that soon changes, and they do it again, and then Bella, big woop, starts having these weird urges to eat eggs, sunny side up, and also starts having these weird dreams, where the Volturi have surrounded this cute little green haired baby, i mean like, two-three years old maybe, and as soon as i read "green eye's" that's where the "oh fuck berries!" came back into play. So it turns out that Bella's actually pregnant, with Edward's baby...but the really weird thing is that Edward refers to the baby as "it, or thing"..and plans to get rid or it..like, abortion wise. So then Bella calls Rosalie, and is like "Rosalie, it's Bella, you have to help me"

And then part one ends...